I sent out a forward to my mailing list about a month ago. It was meant to announce my availability as a freelance editor to trusted, friends, fans and colleagues. But I hit ‘send’ too soon. And I sent a letter with type-Os out the wazoo to like 1000 people.
Disastrous? Possibly. But when I thought more deeply about it maybe that was what I needed to do. And I had come to hate editing.
Writing had always been there. But initial intent had been to go into film and television, a dream struggle that had been the equivalent of banging my head against a wall for 15 years.
When you write books and they get published it means you belong there. I could never really get that kind of validation in Hollywood, a place where when they call your work “smart” and you wear the skin I’m in, then it means your chances of seeing it up on the screen are nil. Empire and Power kind of changed the game, but they came years after.
After the worst three years of my life, years where not a single door opened for me, on top of four years of semi-homelessness and a general desire to settle into a marriage and domestic life because Jagged Edge said I wasn’t getting any younger, I finally decided to throw the towel in at 37. After eight or nine years of threatening to give up, I was going to be content with being the guy who was on Teen Summit on BET back in the day,.who had written a few books along the way.
All I wanted was a desk and a regular paycheck so I’d never have to beg accounting departments for my money ever again.
Then an old Teen Summit guest I’d long since forgotten about came in like the breeze via my boy and fellow writer/producer Tracy Grant. And the camera I’d bought via the kind crowdfunding investments of a handful of folks including Juan Gaddis and Dave G-Soul transported me into the world of documentary film-making ahead of the attempts to make short films that had been stalling out for close to two years.
This documentary of mine is still in progress and I’m keeping the details nil. But as I frame shots and log footage I strangely feel…at home.