The opening scenes of a new year: emptied mass plates of food I made. A glass of water instead of champagne. A certainty about the time and location of the past night’s events. A certainty about just how far I am from home.
It’s like a tornado tore the old brownstone where I lived completely out of Brooklyn (with me in it). It landed I was in some phantom zone where everything was in reverse. Many of my supposed best friends were more like enemies. The innocent suffered en masse while Sith lords clinked their glasses of Ace of Spade in celebration of a funeral coming soon. Any powers I once had were rendered dormant by an unseen force hovering over my life.
But it is always adversity that proves the role we have to play in our own tales. You don’t know who you are until you’re down to your last chip and the final card you have to play is lying facedown in front of you. Are you the Lone Ranger who takes down the whole enemy hideout with a single bullet or are you on the way to three pills a day and bars on the observation room window?
How did your parents go from chasing you around the house to having trouble getting up the stairs? How did the babies you once held turn into two young women holding you in a Christmas photograph? The things I tried to prevent still happened anyway. But they turned out to be episodes handled as easily as last week’s plot twist.
Bottom line: God knows what he’s doing. He’s had the same gig since the beginning of time. You might be at 3rd and 40 and still put one in the end zone, the winning pass thrown with a broken arm. You might be the only soul that can handle the job.
My man Ralph recently reminded me that we’re each here for a single purpose, that our lives are made for a moment of series of moments out of billions of them. Perhaps I’ve done what I came here to do. Or perhaps everything that’s past truly is prologue.
After a year like last one I’m just glad to be alive. Job lost it all and still rode it out in the lap of luxury. Time to make the donuts. Nobody’s gonna make them for me.